damalurbackup

His Mother's Son. Spock(/Uhura), background Amanda, post-movie. Writen for the Star Trek Reboot Drabble Challenge, prompt #7 (Spock, two paths). Props to Diane Duane and her fantastic book Spock's World for the bits on cthia and Surak. Kinda weird & artsy & pretentious, which is nothing new. Someday I'll learn to write in past tense like a real girl! (Also, it occurs to me that this would totally not work for Spock Prime.)

HIS MOTHER'S SON

She is his humanity.

She is all he has left: Once, he had a mother, but no longer. Now more than ever, it falls to him to be more Vulcan than Vulcan. His mastery must be absolute, his logic must be flawless, his commitment to cthia must be total and consuming. Once, he rejected the highest honor his planet had to offer; now he cannot reject his people's traditions, because there are so few left to hold those traditions sacred.

And there is kolinahr. Were he to take that path, his mother would be—

(would have been)—

Yet he does not pursue kolinahr. He does not join his people in rebuilding. He stays with the Enterprise; he continues to struggle with control; he does not take up a place by his father's side. Now there are no gentle hands to straighten his tabard and collar, no lined face to remind him of the mechanics of a smile, no arms to cradle him when he does not wish to be cradled. And he never told her he loved her; and he never thought of his love; and still he loves her, and still she is gone.

She had a garden, his mother, and she grew roses. Earth roses on Vulcan — completely without reason, she spent hours and years battling the rocky soil and harsh sun to coax those roses to life and to bloom. Her garden is gone now, destroyed with the rest of the planet, and it is highly illogical of him to miss a garden more than six billion of his people—

It is highly illogical of him to miss anything.

It is highly illogical of him to be so angry.

There was, among his people, a saying: The spear in the Other's heart is the spear in your own: you are he. It was, of course, not merely a saying; it was the greatest of truths handed down from Surak. And Surak had had more to say besides: Cast out fear. Cast out hate and rage. Cast out greed and envy. Cast out all emotion that speeds entropy, whether it be love or hate—

Surak spoke of the mastery of emotion, of tranquility acquired through acceptance rather than repression. But Spock fears, and Spock rages, and Spock hates. He is, in the end, so human; and this at least and at last he can accept, because he knows no other way to honor his mother's memory.

And there is Nyota.

So he goes to bed with a human woman, and he, who should need no solace, finds solace in her arms. He, who should need no refuge, finds with her sanctuary, and he, who should carry inside him at all times stillness, finds only with her some measure of serenity. He, who should cast out all passion, loves—

And he, who is the son of two worlds, has a feeling that his mother would be proud.