damalurbackup (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
damalurbackup) wrote2008-02-03 01:08 am
damalurbackup) wrote2008-02-03 01:08 am
Entry tags:
[fic] tsubasa, "adventures with the insane"
TITLE: Adventures with the Insane
CHARACTERS: Kurogane/Fai
NOTES: AU. Takes place in my nifty little Collegeverse. Un-beta'd, written in about twenty minutes, and not for 30k.
SUMMARY: Fai drags his boyfriend to a taping for one of his favorite shows - The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.
ADVENTURES WITH THE INSANE
“You,” Kurogane announces with a familiar resigned amusement, “are a dork. Seriously. I can almost understand when you act like this over Harry Potter or Batman or – that game you play – ”
“Dungeons and Dragons.”
“ – whatever. But this is a news show. How can you act all hyper about us going to see a news show?”
Fai pauses long enough in his jittery bouncing to fix Kurogane with a Look. “First off, it’s not news, it's fake news, and second – ”
“See,” Kurogane cuts in, “I don’t get that. Fake news? Do they just make it up, or what?”
“Sometimes they make it up, but mostly they mock it, and occasionally they fellate a banana on-screen.”
That makes Kurogane stop dead in his tracks. He plants his feet; Fai clutches their tickets and does a sort of nervous dance in place that probably means, “Oh my God, we’re going to be late, this is the most exciting night of my nerdy life except for that one time when I was in the same room as Peter Jackson and we’re going to be late!” Or at least that’s what Kurogane thinks it means.
“They what?” Kurogane says.
“Fellate,” Fai explains patiently. “It means to engage in fellatio – ”
“They what?” Kurogane repeats stupidly.
“Fellatio. It means to orally stimulate the penis, especially to – ”
“I know what fellatio means!” Kurogane shouts rather desperately, since they’re in the middle of a New York City sidewalk with people streaming around them on both sides. “I just – what? Is this some sort of porn program, or is it news, or is it what?”
“It’s fake news,” Fai says, with the air of a person talking to a very slow first-grader or perhaps a cat. “It’s a mock news program that points out the hypocrisy of the – ”
“But it’s not porn,” Kurogane confirms. He can’t ever be sure with Fai.
“It’s not porn,” Fai says, although he mutters something that might be “though I wish it were” under his breath.
“Okay,” Kurogane says, and starts walking again. “Not porn. Fake news. Got it.”
“You’ve watched the Daily Show with me before,” says Fai. “Remember? That night after we finished mid-terms, when you came over? I tape it whenever we’re out together.”
Kurogane vaguely remembers that night, although what he remembers most about it is definitely not what was playing on TV. The lights had been off, and Fai had been looking particularly edible, and really, Kurogane is only a twenty-year-old hormone bomb of the male variety. He can’t help if he’s occasionally…unobservant.
He manages to ignore Fai’s chatter all the way to the studio by mentally running through his graduation requirements. He and Fai are both sophomores, although Fai only needs three more semesters to graduate, despite his freshman year slump. That’s what Kurogane gets for dating a geek.
The studio’s smaller than he expected – probably the difference between cable and network budgets. Fai finally falls silent, in a fit of gleeful awe; his eyes are wide blue orbs glinting above his festive red scarf. They have pretty good seats, too, for a couple of college kids – third row, almost in the center. A tech guy comes out and tells them how to laugh; Kurogane can’t help but roll his eyes at that, incredulous that Fai is making them skip school for this. Then a short grayed-haired man comes out, and Fai starts hyperventilating into his mittens.
Kurogane prods Fai and hisses below the roar of the crowd, “Who’s that?” Fai just keeps hyperventilating; Kurogane rubs his boyfriend’s back idly and decides that this must be the host. Jon somebody.
Finally, finally, they seem to be getting somewhere; the gray-haired guy sits down at the desk and from somewhere a loud voice booms an introduction. There’s a woman with an obnoxious, horse-like laugh sitting right behind them, and Kurogane spends at least five minutes thinking about punching her, but after that he starts paying attention to the show. After taking a few moments to study the slant of the humor, Kurogane begins to appreciate exactly why Fai is so devoted to this show. It’s clever and witty and subversive, and it makes Fai laugh until tears stream down his face. It has substance. Kind of.
They run through some more clips, making fun of the presidential candidates, and then while the host launches into a spiel about Super Bowl commercials a dark-haired, slender man walks onstage, adjusts his glasses, and settles in a chair beside the host’s desk. The crowd pitch rises to a near-deafening roar; Fai kind of vibrates and lets out a little noise that might be a moan or might be a low-pitched scream.
“That!” Fai gibbers. “That’s Stephen Colbert!” Apparently this has some sort of meaning that Kurogane fails to realize, because Fai continues to vibrate in place throughout the entire rest of the show. It makes Kurogane exhausted to even think about it.
Afterwards, when they’re walking back to their cheap hotel and Fai’s mouth is motoring non-stop, Kurogane can’t help but give a fond snort at the other’s enthusiasm. Fai pauses to suck in air, and Kurogane jumps into the conversation.
“You,” he says, “are such a fangirl.”
A funny look crosses Fai’s face, part exasperation and part indignation. “I am not a girl.” He perks up. “You think you’d know that by now, Kuro-tan!”
“You are a fangirl. You about died when that Colbert guy came on!” Kurogane splutters, and then adds, “And he and the Jon guy seemed kind of gay for each other.
Fai throws back his head and lets out a wild cackle that causes several passers-by to literally stop and stare. Kurogane huffs and grabs Fai by the arm and does his best to steer him forward – sometimes it’s like herding cats, making Fai go anywhere. Fai doesn’t even say anything, just keeps cackling manically.
At least, Kurogane reassures himself, they didn’t have enough money to afford separate rooms. If his boyfriend’s going to be batshit insane, they might as well be sharing a bed.
He’s a twenty-year-old red-blooded male. He can’t help it.
CHARACTERS: Kurogane/Fai
NOTES: AU. Takes place in my nifty little Collegeverse. Un-beta'd, written in about twenty minutes, and not for 30k.
SUMMARY: Fai drags his boyfriend to a taping for one of his favorite shows - The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.
ADVENTURES WITH THE INSANE
“You,” Kurogane announces with a familiar resigned amusement, “are a dork. Seriously. I can almost understand when you act like this over Harry Potter or Batman or – that game you play – ”
“Dungeons and Dragons.”
“ – whatever. But this is a news show. How can you act all hyper about us going to see a news show?”
Fai pauses long enough in his jittery bouncing to fix Kurogane with a Look. “First off, it’s not news, it's fake news, and second – ”
“See,” Kurogane cuts in, “I don’t get that. Fake news? Do they just make it up, or what?”
“Sometimes they make it up, but mostly they mock it, and occasionally they fellate a banana on-screen.”
That makes Kurogane stop dead in his tracks. He plants his feet; Fai clutches their tickets and does a sort of nervous dance in place that probably means, “Oh my God, we’re going to be late, this is the most exciting night of my nerdy life except for that one time when I was in the same room as Peter Jackson and we’re going to be late!” Or at least that’s what Kurogane thinks it means.
“They what?” Kurogane says.
“Fellate,” Fai explains patiently. “It means to engage in fellatio – ”
“They what?” Kurogane repeats stupidly.
“Fellatio. It means to orally stimulate the penis, especially to – ”
“I know what fellatio means!” Kurogane shouts rather desperately, since they’re in the middle of a New York City sidewalk with people streaming around them on both sides. “I just – what? Is this some sort of porn program, or is it news, or is it what?”
“It’s fake news,” Fai says, with the air of a person talking to a very slow first-grader or perhaps a cat. “It’s a mock news program that points out the hypocrisy of the – ”
“But it’s not porn,” Kurogane confirms. He can’t ever be sure with Fai.
“It’s not porn,” Fai says, although he mutters something that might be “though I wish it were” under his breath.
“Okay,” Kurogane says, and starts walking again. “Not porn. Fake news. Got it.”
“You’ve watched the Daily Show with me before,” says Fai. “Remember? That night after we finished mid-terms, when you came over? I tape it whenever we’re out together.”
Kurogane vaguely remembers that night, although what he remembers most about it is definitely not what was playing on TV. The lights had been off, and Fai had been looking particularly edible, and really, Kurogane is only a twenty-year-old hormone bomb of the male variety. He can’t help if he’s occasionally…unobservant.
He manages to ignore Fai’s chatter all the way to the studio by mentally running through his graduation requirements. He and Fai are both sophomores, although Fai only needs three more semesters to graduate, despite his freshman year slump. That’s what Kurogane gets for dating a geek.
The studio’s smaller than he expected – probably the difference between cable and network budgets. Fai finally falls silent, in a fit of gleeful awe; his eyes are wide blue orbs glinting above his festive red scarf. They have pretty good seats, too, for a couple of college kids – third row, almost in the center. A tech guy comes out and tells them how to laugh; Kurogane can’t help but roll his eyes at that, incredulous that Fai is making them skip school for this. Then a short grayed-haired man comes out, and Fai starts hyperventilating into his mittens.
Kurogane prods Fai and hisses below the roar of the crowd, “Who’s that?” Fai just keeps hyperventilating; Kurogane rubs his boyfriend’s back idly and decides that this must be the host. Jon somebody.
Finally, finally, they seem to be getting somewhere; the gray-haired guy sits down at the desk and from somewhere a loud voice booms an introduction. There’s a woman with an obnoxious, horse-like laugh sitting right behind them, and Kurogane spends at least five minutes thinking about punching her, but after that he starts paying attention to the show. After taking a few moments to study the slant of the humor, Kurogane begins to appreciate exactly why Fai is so devoted to this show. It’s clever and witty and subversive, and it makes Fai laugh until tears stream down his face. It has substance. Kind of.
They run through some more clips, making fun of the presidential candidates, and then while the host launches into a spiel about Super Bowl commercials a dark-haired, slender man walks onstage, adjusts his glasses, and settles in a chair beside the host’s desk. The crowd pitch rises to a near-deafening roar; Fai kind of vibrates and lets out a little noise that might be a moan or might be a low-pitched scream.
“That!” Fai gibbers. “That’s Stephen Colbert!” Apparently this has some sort of meaning that Kurogane fails to realize, because Fai continues to vibrate in place throughout the entire rest of the show. It makes Kurogane exhausted to even think about it.
Afterwards, when they’re walking back to their cheap hotel and Fai’s mouth is motoring non-stop, Kurogane can’t help but give a fond snort at the other’s enthusiasm. Fai pauses to suck in air, and Kurogane jumps into the conversation.
“You,” he says, “are such a fangirl.”
A funny look crosses Fai’s face, part exasperation and part indignation. “I am not a girl.” He perks up. “You think you’d know that by now, Kuro-tan!”
“You are a fangirl. You about died when that Colbert guy came on!” Kurogane splutters, and then adds, “And he and the Jon guy seemed kind of gay for each other.
Fai throws back his head and lets out a wild cackle that causes several passers-by to literally stop and stare. Kurogane huffs and grabs Fai by the arm and does his best to steer him forward – sometimes it’s like herding cats, making Fai go anywhere. Fai doesn’t even say anything, just keeps cackling manically.
At least, Kurogane reassures himself, they didn’t have enough money to afford separate rooms. If his boyfriend’s going to be batshit insane, they might as well be sharing a bed.
He’s a twenty-year-old red-blooded male. He can’t help it.